It's very early on a Sunday morning and I'm gonna take advantage of the 20 minutes it's gonna take to download a David Platt sermon to update you all a bit more :-)
As I said in my post yesterday, these past two weeks have been really really hard. It really started a week ago today when my emotions and nerves just lost it. For two days I couldn't do any work when I got home. During classes throughout the day I was alright, at times on my last nerve, but I made it okay by God's strength. But when I would get home, fear, anxiety, sorrow... they would overwhelm me. After praying, talking, reading, and receiving counsel from some absolute God-sends, I've been able to sort through some of the things that have been gripping me. I've come to believe that my struggle is part emotional, where I'm missing people so badly and didn't realize it enough to process it, part practical, where there is just so much to do for school that it is easy to be overwhelmed, and part spiritual, where the devil knows my weakened state and has taken the opportunity to feed lies and doubt into my heart.
So far I have learned many truths that I'll continue to cling to through my time here. My prayer is that through this struggle I will learn to lean hard into my God, to trust his word in the midst of big storms even when I feel like I cannot see, and that ultimately, I will look more like my Savior, more prepared for more of his work (med school and beyond). I cannot pretend to know the full reasons why God has me here this year. If it is mostly for my refinement by fire I will rejoice with the strength God gives me because hardship is discipline and it means that my Father loves me enough to correct my human ways. If it is also to make his name famous among my students and the people I am around, all the better. If it is to encounter a single person that needs a single word of truth spoken into their life that can plant a seed of salvation, so be it. Mine is not to question. Mine is to be as obedient as I know how according to the strength God gives me everyday. It is critical that I learn that everything beyond that is out of my control.
Some fun things have also happened in the past week... We've stayed the night at Emily's parents house a few times, once playing "tia" (literally "aunt" but the name is used for the workers that help at the hogar and its projects) for them while the real tia took some vacation time. In the continuing sega of EA sports (Emily and Ashley) versus the Brewsters at Saturday night cards, we won for the second time last night! Lol. Same night as the Hilltoppers winning their first football game in two-ish years! Go Tops! Also, the other 4 teaching missionaries at the school live across the street and have invited us to come every night we're available to do a short praise and worship session after dinner. So far we've made it 2 or 3 times and it's been an INCREDIBLE blessing. So have the Brewsters for that matter, the way they have helped me through this past week. Praise God that even though I feel alone at times, I am NOT and he has provided the best of people to surround and support me, including the multitudes praying for me back home, the Brewsters here, Emily, who's had to put up with a lot through my struggle this week, the other missionaries, and even a few of the directors at school. And of course, the students can also be a joy and delight even when they don't do their homework and don't study for quizzes. Lol.
As my favorite hymn of the moment (and my theme song here so far) says: may this journey bring a blessing, may I rise on wings of faith, and at the end of my heart's testing, with your likeness let me wake.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Saturday, October 23, 2010
The Things That Cannot Change
This blog is becoming really hard to keep up to-date. Partially for lack of time, but mostly because these past two weeks have been the hardest two weeks of my time here and likely of my adult life. Therefore, all of my attention and energy is being directed elsewhere.
However, this I do want to write as if to declare it. In this difficult time, truth being spoken into my heart and mind is one of the only things that gets me through. Here is the truth that I cling to this afternoon:
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
And to this list, for my life, I'm going to add that being separated from my family cannot and will not separate me from the love of my Father. Loneliness cannot and will not separate me from the love of my Father. Being estranged from the places and things that are familiar to me cannot separate me from the love of God that has been evidently and undeniably been poured out on me. To the devil that wills me to doubt: your time is coming.
May God's purposes be accomplished to our salvation and his glory.
However, this I do want to write as if to declare it. In this difficult time, truth being spoken into my heart and mind is one of the only things that gets me through. Here is the truth that I cling to this afternoon:
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
And to this list, for my life, I'm going to add that being separated from my family cannot and will not separate me from the love of my Father. Loneliness cannot and will not separate me from the love of my Father. Being estranged from the places and things that are familiar to me cannot separate me from the love of God that has been evidently and undeniably been poured out on me. To the devil that wills me to doubt: your time is coming.
May God's purposes be accomplished to our salvation and his glory.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
The funny side...
Its sad that it takes two weeks to update a blog, but in all fairness I knew that my follow up would be slow and I am a teacher with limited time on my hands:-)
Anyhow, the school fundraising festival was last Thursday. They called it Las Champas. The best translation we could come up with was a bizarre. There were booths from the different grades with typical Honduran foods (I had enchiladas... not exactly the same as the enchiladas you get at Puerto). Unfortunately the rain forced the traditional dance competition inside but the burro Hondurano (Honduran donkey) was left tied up on the basketball court, ha!
What else can I tell you about the past week? Oh! Of course... Teaching the 5th graders about fertilization. In case you wanted to know, when you ask a 5th grader to describe what a spermatazoid looks like, they aren't going to tell you color or size but things like: "It looks like a microphone!" and "It looks like a mouse!" If thought I could get away with laughing during this particular lesson I would have but I don't think it would've set a good precedent for the kids. Lol.
Two funny things from today: I got asked if I slept well last night cause my eyes looked Chinese (squinty maybe was the point? ha) and I found out that it is possible to "floss cut" your finger (as opposed to paper cut):
No bandaids in the house for some reason, so yes that is a paper towel and masking tape, lol. I wouldn't have bothered but Emily did happen to have neosporin so... ya.
To top the past two weeks off, we got a package from my grandma in the mail! It was full of goodies, but my personal favorite....
Yes, that is two beautiful bags of cinnamon toast crunch!
I'm so glad God is a god that enjoys humor ;-) This past week I tried to explain that concept to one of my classes by telling them to try to look at a zebra without laughing... They didn't quite get it. Now that I think about it, they don't often get my jokes... The one time I really remember one of the students laughing at something I said was when I interrupted a computer class and the teacher introduced me to the 10th graders (whom I don't teach) and explained I was going to be a doctor. They were working on diagnosing a broken computer at the time, so his comment was that I would be doing the same thing but on people. My reply was
"yes, but it will be a lot messier than this." Most of the class just stared at me, but one girl laughed. It made me happy :-)
What else... Oh, ya. Emily is learning the high school musical dance to "We're all in this together." And I have video to prove it!
So, its good that life here is not altogether boring even though most weekdays are filled from start to finish with teaching, grading, and planning. I still think my calling is in the medical direction, lol.
Faith or Experience - Chambers
Anyhow, the school fundraising festival was last Thursday. They called it Las Champas. The best translation we could come up with was a bizarre. There were booths from the different grades with typical Honduran foods (I had enchiladas... not exactly the same as the enchiladas you get at Puerto). Unfortunately the rain forced the traditional dance competition inside but the burro Hondurano (Honduran donkey) was left tied up on the basketball court, ha!
What else can I tell you about the past week? Oh! Of course... Teaching the 5th graders about fertilization. In case you wanted to know, when you ask a 5th grader to describe what a spermatazoid looks like, they aren't going to tell you color or size but things like: "It looks like a microphone!" and "It looks like a mouse!" If thought I could get away with laughing during this particular lesson I would have but I don't think it would've set a good precedent for the kids. Lol.
Two funny things from today: I got asked if I slept well last night cause my eyes looked Chinese (squinty maybe was the point? ha) and I found out that it is possible to "floss cut" your finger (as opposed to paper cut):
No bandaids in the house for some reason, so yes that is a paper towel and masking tape, lol. I wouldn't have bothered but Emily did happen to have neosporin so... ya.
To top the past two weeks off, we got a package from my grandma in the mail! It was full of goodies, but my personal favorite....
Yes, that is two beautiful bags of cinnamon toast crunch!
I'm so glad God is a god that enjoys humor ;-) This past week I tried to explain that concept to one of my classes by telling them to try to look at a zebra without laughing... They didn't quite get it. Now that I think about it, they don't often get my jokes... The one time I really remember one of the students laughing at something I said was when I interrupted a computer class and the teacher introduced me to the 10th graders (whom I don't teach) and explained I was going to be a doctor. They were working on diagnosing a broken computer at the time, so his comment was that I would be doing the same thing but on people. My reply was
"yes, but it will be a lot messier than this." Most of the class just stared at me, but one girl laughed. It made me happy :-)
What else... Oh, ya. Emily is learning the high school musical dance to "We're all in this together." And I have video to prove it!
So, its good that life here is not altogether boring even though most weekdays are filled from start to finish with teaching, grading, and planning. I still think my calling is in the medical direction, lol.
Faith or Experience - Chambers
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