The Reality

(The honest reality of my circumstance and the eternal reality of my God)

I find myself sitting in my living room at this late hour sick to my stomach with dread.  Dread of my family leaving, dread of vacation being over, and most of all dread of going back to school.  There's a pit in the bottom of my stomach because I feel so unprepared and I can't sleep because my mind is racing with all of the things I have to get done before school starts again.  What do you do when you can't shake the feeling of dread?  One of the only outlets that we as Christians have is to cry to God.  Sometimes it is the only outlet we have.  A part from that we can pour truth into our hearts and our minds.  This evening I had an encouraging talk with my dad that reminded me that all of these things I'm facing are just circumstantial.  The school work, the living in Honduras, the being away from friends and family... it's all just circumstances.  The only reason that any of them should cause such a dread within me is if I have my eyes fixed on them rather than Christ.  It sounds like foolishness to those who are perishing, but to those of us who are being saved it is the glory of God.  Let's review some truths that I'm going to have no choice but to stake my trust in these next few months and, Lord willing, the rest of my life:

1.  God is bigger than ANYTHING I face.  The mountains may get bigger and bigger for the rest of my life, but it will only be so that I can continue to increase my understanding of how big God is as I understand how he is bigger than all of them.  May my eyes be opened more and more as I move forward.

2.  Only Christ can live the life he has called me to.  I cannot do it.  If I could do it, then he would not receive the glory.  My participation in the story of his glory spurns from his ability to do the impossible, first by saving me and second by being able to use me for good.  And my eternal joy can only come from surrendering to that end.

3.  Failure in a worldly sense is not something to fear.  The only thing I should fear is God himself, the one who has the right to judge and the mercy to send his son to divert his judgement that we might live.  Failure at a job, in the eyes of men, in the eyes of the world is not a terrible thing.  It can be a painful thing, but worldly success cannot satisfy and men do not determine my worth.  Only the blood of a priceless Savior can do that.

4.  As my mom continually reminds me: I am still his masterpiece.  Eph 2:10.  No matter how I perform, fail, fall on my face, or succeed I am his masterpiece.  Perfect in his eyes, worth saving, and not worthless.  He spent his life redeeming me.  I am worth something great to him, mostly because his glory is worth something so great and his choice to save me demonstrates that glory to the nth degree.

5.  Faith is about seeing past the things in front of my face, leaning hard into my heavenly Father, and putting my hope in the things not yet seen.  It is hard, very hard sometimes especially when there is pain or turmoil involved.  But it is a choice that we have the power to make.  I have to choose to not let myself be blinded by the things around me and to fix my eyes on the author and perfecter of my faith.  Christ wrote my faith and he perfects my faith.  It is my faith, but it is his work in me.  What a beautiful conundrum.  If that's the right word for it.

Here's the bottom line: Life is hard.  God is good.  Faith is about seeing past the hard to the truth about a good God who has promised to deliver those who call upon his name.  It may not mean rescue from the sorrows of today.  It may not mean an end to hardship.  It may not mean relief from afflicting circumstances.  But it does mean what it means, deliverance.  Deliverance from staking our lives on things that don't matter.  Deliverance from a purposeless existence that fades like the mist.  Deliverance from our own weakness and sin.  Deliverance from all of the prisons and chains that bind our hearts, minds, and souls.  He promises to deliver those who call upon his name.  Those who put their trust in him.  The only thing to fear is taking my eyes off of him and trusting in anything else.

I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly lean on Jesus' name...


On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand.