As it is my last week and a half here, a few days ago I had been contemplating writing a devo for the young mothers at the Buen Pastor project. My thoughts had been something about being known by God and assured that even in the darkest moments we are not truly in the middle of the obscurity our hearts feel. Which tonight led me to read a little about the name of God El Roi only found once in scripture: the story of Hagar, the Egyptian slave, running away from Sarai, her mistress in Genesis 16.
Just before this small inquiry, I had been preoccupied and praying about my desperate lack of self-discipline especially concerning the "spiritual disciplines" (prayer, Scripture study, etc.) My prayers were quite frustrated and desperate as I struggled through just wanting to read something for fun and go to sleep (isn't this the daily, obnoxious, and surprisingly difficult battle we all fight with everyday? whether it is the TV, our own agenda, our habits, we always seem to have something else more desirable to do then focus on our Lord). But my spirit, my conscious, the Spirit of the Lord--however you want to call it--just wouldn't leave me alone. I had to sit down, I had to read my Bible, I had to pray. My flesh did NOT want to, but it surrendered to the hunger of my spirit and after a little study and prayer is when I found myself looking up this name of God...
My initial thoughts on the "God who sees" had to do with not feeling like you are just one in a million, lost in a crowd, obscure, and unconsidered by anyone. Especially as chicas, I think it is easy to feel this way and we have quite the job trying to convince ourselves that God really does care about us individually and profoundly. But then I found this commentary about the above mentioned passage:
Whither wilt thou go? Thou art running into sin; if Hagar return to Egypt, she will return to idol gods, and into danger in the wilderness through which she must travel. Recollecting who we are, would often teach us our duty. Inquiring whence we came, would show us our sin and folly. Considering whither we shall go, discovers our danger and misery... Hagar could not but admire the Lord's mercy, and feel, Have I, who am so unworthy, been favoured with a gracious visit from the Lord? She was brought to a better temper, returned, and by her behaviour softened Sarai, and received more gentle treatment. Would that we were always suitably impressed with this thought, Thou God seest me!
God is El Roi to me tonight. Because in my lack of self-discipline, in my frustration with myself, and my desire to give up the fight of the flesh and turn to what is easiest, He sends his Spirit to me to lead me back to where I belong. He is El Roi not just because he removes me from obscurity, but because he cares enough for me and the little moments in my life to intervene in my weakness, rescue me, turn me around, and set me back on the path on which my passage was paid for in blood.
I must stop thinking that the little moments and decisions and wastes and foolish uses of time or money are meaningless to the God who sees me. The little things make up our lives and if it is important enough for the God of Heaven and Earth to intervene with me tonight on how a spend an hour or two before bed, then how can I ever neglect the importance of even the smallest task, opportunity, moment, decision, etc.?
God sees us. God fights for us. God cares about the little things and how they will effect eternally. We accuse him of not caring, when in actuality, I'm beginning to think he cares infinitely more than we do.
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