Fresh air

My mom's facebook status today was about being able to have the windows open and fresh air in the house.  I'd forgotten how exciting of a thing that could be when you don't always have your windows open no matter the temperature outside, lol.  There are a lot of things I'm going to miss when I leave...

Not much exciting has happened in the past two weeks, at least not that I can remember.  What is going to be exciting is the Science Fair this coming Friday.  Or maybe a better word would be interesting, since no one seems to no what's going on except the one returning science teacher and we're all just pulling at straws to pull this thing together.  I'm praying that I have plenty of time during the afternoons this week to just be still with God cause I know I'm gonna need it after all of this craziness.  My biggest fear is that when I get to school tomorrow most of my students won't have done anything and I'll have to start holding their hands step by step, which I don't really have time for.  I'm also curious to know if the groups who said they were making electric generators, robots, and earthquake simulators are really going to do it...

Anyway, in my last blog I mentioned that my God-given goal for the next four months here is to cultivate the spiritual discipline of daily meditation and prayer.  I confess to you now, it hasn't been going so well.  The first week was exciting as I felt like God was giving me a new vision and direction to pursue, but this past week was just a little too chaotic.  Not trying to make excuses.  I'm just saying.  And I know that as far as chaos goes, this week will just be worse.  That being said, I was in a bit of a funk the last few days because I felt like I was failing at the one simple task God had actually given me to do.  And in the midst of my prayers struggling with finding my footing again I was reminded in my soul of this simple truth that I want to share with you:

My relationship with God does not work because of my faithfulness to daily quiet times.  It does not work because of my ambition for the gospel of Christ.  Its success does not rest on my ability to manufacture passion for a vision or a ministry.  It does not depend on being liked by people or never hurting anyone else.  And when I let myself think those things, I reveal my own stubbornness and pride.  My relationship with God works because of his faithfulness.  In all of the areas I come up short, he fills in the gaps.  In all of the ways that I am weak, he promises to be strong.  My position with God is not based on my faulty choices, but on his calling on my life.  It is still a mystery to me how the responsibility of man and the sovereignty of God walk side by side in our lives.  But what I do know is that I often get confused about which part is my responsibility and which is God's.  I am stuck in a manner of thinking that says my relationship with God is totally my responsibility.  What a joke that is when I consider that my relationship with him would not exist if he hadn't gone so far as to sacrifice his Son to establish it.  My relationship with God his based on his action, his faithfulness, his grace, his mercy.  Not my own.  And in light of my weak will, that's a comforting thought and a bit of fresh air for a stuffy heart.